Nobody tells you this part: the informational chat is an interview without a scorecard on the table. There is a scorecard. I used a version of it for years on the hiring side without ever printing it, and this article puts it in front of you.
Understand the stakes first. A referral spends the referrer's reputation, and reputations in this industry are currency. So from the first minute of a coffee chat, the person opposite you is running due diligence on one question: would I ever put my name near yours. Everything below follows from that.
The scorecard on their side of the table
- Preparation specificity. Did you research me, my team and this market, or could this conversation be with anyone? Generic questions tell me exactly how you will treat clients.
- Your story in sixty seconds. Can you explain who you are and why this seat, cleanly, without rambling? If you cannot do it over coffee, you will not do it in a first round.
- Market curiosity. One live deal, one theme, one opinion held loosely. Nobody is testing your accuracy; they are testing whether you actually follow this world.
- Coachability. How you take a correction or a challenge in the moment. Defensiveness in minute ten predicts defensiveness at 2am in a dataroom.
Four items, none of them secret, all of them scoring from the moment you say hello. Prepare against this list and the chat stops being a mystery.
The call, minute by minute
Fifteen to twenty minutes, and the shape matters as much as the content.
- Minutes 1 to 2: the introduction, carried by the sixty-second version of your story. Rehearsed until it does not sound rehearsed.
- Minutes 3 to 13: their path, their group, their market, driven by your prepared questions. You are not interviewing them; you are letting them talk about work they find interesting, which is the most reliable way anyone has ever built rapport.
- Minutes 14 to 17: your positioning, woven in through reactions and follow-ups. Never a pitch. If you have to announce your qualities, the previous thirteen minutes failed.
- The close: thank them for something specific they said, ask permission to keep them posted, and leave on time. Ending two minutes early is a power move; running over is not.
Questions that land, and the ones that do not
Three questions that consistently landed well when I was the one being asked:
- “What separated the last junior you fought to keep from the ones you didn't?”
- “How does the process here actually differ from [other market] once interviews start?”
- “If you were in my year, with my school, what would you do between now and applications?”
Notice what these have in common. Only this person can answer them. They invite stories rather than statements. And the third one positions you as coachable before any correction has even happened. Compare that with the questions that end chats early: anything Google could have told you, compensation, hours, and the deathless “so what does an analyst actually do,” which announces that you did not prepare and expects them to fix it.
The referral rule
Never ask in the first conversation. Not softly, not “hypothetically,” not dressed up as advice. A referral spends the referrer's reputation, and asking a near-stranger to spend theirs on you tells them everything about your judgement. Earn it across one or two more touchpoints, give them evidence you are worth the spend, and let them offer. A volunteered introduction outweighs a requested one many times over, and volunteered introductions are how this actually works when it works.
The follow-up system: where the relationship is built
The first meeting opens a file. The follow-up decides whether the file stays open.
- Within 24 hours: a short thank-you referencing one concrete point from the conversation. Same day is better.
- Every three to six weeks: a two-line update with real progress. An internship landed, a course finished, a visit to their city planned. No progress, no email; never send filler.
- Reciprocity, even small: an article relevant to their coverage, congratulations on a closed deal, a useful introduction between two of your contacts. Juniors who give before asking are rare enough to be memorable.
- Show up twice: attending the same society's events repeatedly builds more trust than appearing once everywhere.
The students I remembered at referral time were never the most polished in meeting one. They were the ones whose name reappeared, briefly and usefully, over months, so that by the time an intake conversation happened, recommending them felt like stating a fact rather than doing a favour.
FAQ
How do I get the coffee chat in the first place?
Work the circles from warm to cold: alumni, thinner threads, rooms, then cold outreach as the fallback. That is the first half of the playbook this article comes from.
How long should a coffee chat last?
Fifteen to twenty minutes, and end two minutes early. Respecting the clock is itself a scored behaviour.
When can I ask for a referral?
In the first conversation, never. After rapport is real, the softest version is asking permission to mention the conversation when you apply; the best version is the one they offer unprompted.
What if they reply “happy to answer questions by email”?
Send two sharp questions, make the answers easy to give, and earn the call with the quality of the exchange.
This article is two chapters of the IBD Networking Playbook: the full system covers the circles, the outreach messages, the templates and the follow-up loop.
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Former Executive Director in TMT Investment Banking at Nomura and M&A banker at BNP Paribas. Top-rated Head Mentor on Wall Street Oasis with 300+ sessions. About
